All My Friends are Getting Engaged and I don’t Know what I Want for Lunch Tomorrow (but it’s probably grilled cheese)

This seems to be a popular question lately. Every time I
get on Facebook someone else has gotten engaged or pregnant. It’s
kind of gross, you guys. Now, this could easily be misinterpreted
as a bitter 20-something’s attempt to rationalize her own
loneliness–let me stop you right there. I have a wonderful
boyfriend and we have been together for six years, which is longer
than any of my friends’ (Facebook or otherwise) relationships. So
when I say that I don’t want to get married right now, know that it
comes from a place of genuine irresponsibility and indecisiveness,
with a bit of adventure on the side. What I mean is this: my
reasons for not wanting to be engaged stem from the fact that I
don’t want to figure out the rest of my life just yet. While I am
genuinely happy for those of you who are totally really to figure
out things like, where will we be in ten years, the thought of
doing so personally makes me gag and hyperventilate simultaneously.
The way I see it is you only have a small frame of time in which
you can do pretty much whatever you want, to be selfish. These
years are (loosely) your twenties. Until a few years ago, I have
always thought I would get engaged soon after college. But now that
it is soon after college, and people are starting to get engaged,
married, and popping out babies, it still feels like I’m no where
near being ready. One of my oldest friends from high school is
engaged and they (she and her fiancée) are talking about buying an
apartment or a house after the wedding…buying an actual house. I’m
sorry, but the thought of picking out a place to settle down and
live the rest of my foreseeable life (not that they are going to
die there, but no one buys a house with the intent to sell it
anytime soon) sounds like a form of cruel and unusual punishment at
the moment. I love the fact that I have no idea where I will be in
two years.

You have the rest of your life to be married, but you
can’t go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend. Sure you can
read all the articles in Women’s Health and Cosmo on “How to Date
your Husband,” but at the end of the day both of your names are on
the mortgage. So I’m cool with enjoying separate residencies and
maintaining some of the perks of not being married (little things
like going to his place at 4am because he misses you too much to
wait till a reasonable hour) It’s sort of hard to explain all of
this to my engaged friends without feeling like I’m attacking them.
But, in all honesty: we want to be together, so why do we need a
ring or paper to prove it to you? We love each other just as much
as you guys do, and for the moment we are content to follow our
respective dreams without a formal commitment*. He wants to be a
rockstar and I want to travel and write.

*Don’t get me wrong, I do
want to get married one day. I might not seem like the mushy,
sentimental type, but I fucking love love. I love that you get a
night to be so disgustingly in-your-face adorably in love, and you
get to show off how generally perfect the two of you are together.
Actually, that is what I most look forward to at my
wedding–rubbing it in everyone’s faces that they are not as cute
as we are. I love the look on the grooms face when he sees
his bride for the first time, I love the flowers and dancing
and champagne, and the ‘happily ever after’ of it all.


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