Whatever, babies.

At first I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe these ‘BABY ON BOARD’ bumper stickers aren’t meant as an actual warning sign, but more of a badge of accomplishment. They just want to tell the world ‘Hey guys, I created an entire being with my uterus’ (then again, why not just put that on a bumper sticker?).

But then I started seeing stickers that said: “CAUTION: PRECIOUS CARGO,” and other such nonsense urging me to be more careful because there was a baby in that shit. Which leads me to believe that these women are actually warning others: Hey guys, theres a baby in this car so don’t, you know, like hit it or anything. Seriously. Read the sign. No hitting.

So…if there were no baby in the car?
More importantly, what about the poor children whose parents don’t love them enough to put a warning label on their suburban? They are basically inviting their babieless–as far as the rest of the world is concerned– vehicle to be the target of road rage and random acts of violence and terrorism.

So let’s say you do have one of those, and your baby grows up eventually; thanks, no doubt, to your tireless efforts at bumper sticker-based safety.

At what age do you decide you give less of a shit about your kid and decide that they can fend for themselves when it comes to vehicular safety?
Three? Four?
It does, after all, say ‘baby’ and not ‘toddler’ or ‘shitty preteen.’
You have to take that sticker off at some point, or you’re just lying to the good people that drive behind you. They need to know that they are using an excess amount of caution appropriate for the contents of the vehicle preceding them. It’s only fair. 

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One comment

  1. hannahm223

    Haha I always think this, like are people just about to crash into the back of a car and then they go “woah, I don’t notice they had a baby on board, that was close, I’d better not crash into this one then! Oh, there’s a car with no baby on board, I’ll go after them instead!” Surely the fact that there is any living person on board is enough?! Anyway, I liked your post, made me laugh 🙂

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